Self Control and Remorse
by SakuraHottie13
Summary: She couldn't stop herself from going to him. This wasn't the first time they entangled in the sheets. Everyone looked at her with pity and sympathy, when they should look at her with judgment and accusation. How could they to do this to Wally and continue to? Perhaps because they had neither sense of self control nor significant remorse for their heinous actions. Post Endgame.


The knock at the door was so quiet he almost thought he imagined it until it sounded again much firmer; much more desperate than before. He placed one of his favorite books, the _Odyssey_, on the coffee table before walking over to the door and peeking out of the peep hole. He recognized her immediately and opened the door, revealing a beautiful blonde with piercing gray eyes that haunted his every dream and every waking thought. She stood at the threshold which was a physical representation of the barriers between them. Tears swelled in her eyes but her stubbornness refused to let them rush down her face. He stepped aside and allowed her access to his home; his secret peace that protected him from the horrors of the outside world.

She took in the Spartan appearance of his apartment. Everything was arranged so meticulously that it matched his personality perfectly. No dust to be seen, not an object out of place, so much like the man who had invaded her life, her world. Artemis couldn't hold back the smile that claimed her slightly chapped lips. She heard the door shut firmly and turned back to the man whose peaceful evening she had ruined.

Kaldur did not know exactly why she was there; there were so many possible reasons for her sudden visit. Icy gray met gun metal and tried to discern the hidden truth behind the steeled eyes. Perhaps she needed comfort or just someone to understand. If anyone would understand her it would be him.

"Kaldur," Her voice could barely raise over a whisper without cracking. The space between them was a palpable weight threatening to crush her if she didn't say something, but what could she say to him? What could she say that would accurately explain the situation?

"Artemis," He simply called to her. His voice soothed her immediately. The vibrations of sound held no tone of pity or sympathy or sorrow. None of those emotions were what she needed; in fact they were the complete opposite. His voice did not contain what she really needed either, which was judgment and accusation. Everyone was babying her; overtly careful of her as if she would break any minute. Barry and her mother pleaded for her to move closer so she wouldn't be alone. Dick's eyes followed her like a hawk. M'gann, Raquel, and Zatanna took it upon themselves to have a girls' night at least once every week. Ollie and Dinah never let her patrol alone anymore; one of them was either right by her side or watched from the background. Bart would never leave her side if she was on the Watchtower or out in the field. Either Roy or Jade called every day as if she were seconds away from plunging a knife into her wrist; and maybe she was. Those, new to the team, who didn't know her well took cues from the veterans and scouted for any signs of collapse. The only person she could stand to be around was Kaldur, because he understood everything. She did not want his understanding; she wanted his hatred.

She rushed him so fast he barely caught her as she pulled him down to her lips. He was still for a second and she thought he would push her away, thought he would snap her back into reality. But he didn't; he wrapped his stronger than titanium arms around her and pulled her closer to his equally as strong chest. Dear God he was toned as a teen but now he was solid muscle and she loved every inch of him. His hands rushed to the base of her neck, twirling the wisps of blonde hair that had escaped her once characteristic ponytail. Her hands rushed to his shorn blond strands, enjoying the soft feel of his hair. He pushed her back enough to let air flow into her mouth and hesitantly looked down at the buttons of her black coat. Artemis' fingers flew down the length of her trench coat, revealing more and more skin as she went. He was shocked at her brazenness to wear simply a trench coat to his front door; but maybe he shouldn't be because Artemis was always bold. She allowed the trench coat to drop to the floor and stood, unabashed, before him in all of her naked glory. Kaldur took in the familiar sight of her golden skin. His hands ached to run over the hardened muscle and soft curves of her body but he refrained himself. He didn't want to move too quickly with her.

Artemis ran her hands down the cut expanse of his abs to the hem of his shirt and pulled up, reaching his shoulders before he pulled up the rest of the way. The article was tossed, forgotten, to the other side of them room and Artemis secretly wondered if he had the intense urge to fold it neatly and put it away. He pulled her back to him and she relished in the dense skin against hers. He was always so much warmer which slightly confused her; he had explained that Atlanteans were born with elevated body temperatures to survive the chill of the ocean. Kaldur picked her up and turned the light out as he carried her into his bedroom. He let her down on the floor in order to remove his pants and boxers before turning back to the woman in his room. She surveyed it with a scrutinous eye looking for any trace of his presence. She turned back to him, their eyes meeting once again and nodded.

Kaldur picked her up and laid her on his queen sized bed, following her as she went. As his lips came down to hers, Artemis remembered another bed in a room still sparse but the walls were metal and they were miles under the sea with no sense of day or night. She remembered another time when she was entangled with this man; when he rested atop her kissing her so delicately she wanted to scream in frustration yet cry out for more. There was another night, that time on green sheets with the beeping of machines and the ringing of metal on metal footsteps just outside their door, when they sought solace in each other. That was why she desired judgment instead of pity; because while she was incredibly heartbroken of Wally's vanishing, she was guilty for enjoying the caress of another man while Wally was waiting for her to start their purely civilian life together.

A slight tug brought her back to reality. Kaldur pulled out her hair tie and let her golden locks splay out across his pillows. He never said anything, but by the way he entangled his webbed fingers Artemis could tell that he loved her hair. He ran a hand down her thigh, pulling it up and placing it on his hips, giving him a more comfortable position between her. He trailed sweet kisses down her neck and sucked on the artery drawing out a moan of pleasure from her kiss swollen lips. He danced his tongue over the joining of her neck and shoulder while running the webbing between his fingers over her pebbling nipple. It was such an odd sensation but Artemis enjoyed that only he could give that to her and Kaldur enjoyed how she embraced his abnormal features instead of shying away from him like other surface women. Kaldur rocked their hips together creating a sweet friction with a slow rhythm. Part of Artemis wanted him to continue his sweet torture but the other part of her wanted immediate gratification. She had no clue if Kaldur went slow on purpose or if that was just how he liked sex. She knew she couldn't call what they did the first time making love and knew she shouldn't call this time making love either, but she wrongly desired to hear how he felt about their…interactions.

"You are thinking again, perhaps I am not doing a thorough enough job." His deep voice flooded into her ear drums, sending sparks of excitement surging down to her toes. She clenched them to fight against the delightful tingling. Kaldur repositioned himself and used his length to draw circles against her bundle of nerves, applying more pressure ever so slightly.

'_Oh yes!' _Her mind screamed out at the new sensation. Whimpers escaped her mouth to confirm him of her enjoyment. He continued to torture her, refusing to acknowledge what she truly wanted. Artemis ran her hands over the muscles of his back; her nails barely creating crescent shapes on his dense skin. His smirk skated over her shoulder and she knew in that moment that he was teasing her on purpose. Who knew the usually cool and slightly distanced commander could be so playful? Though most could not tell from Kaldur's calm and cool disposition, Atlanteans were a highly sensual group of people; encouraging and even praising sexual exploration and pleasure. Kaldur and Garth had many times snuck into the more adult areas of the great library in Poseidonis to learn more about pleasing their future women.

Kaldur called upon a spell he remembered learning while his teen hormones yearned for forbidden thoughts. He felt the tips of his fingers heating up and vibrating. He pressed them on her sensitive bud and nipples and sent pleasant vibrations over her nerve endings. Artemis shivered and groaned at the foreign sensation as he traced over her inner thighs, calves, and stomach. Feeling the sporadic spasms of her enticing body, Kaldur pulled his fingers back before she reached the ultimate euphoria. All at once the time for play was over. Kaldur readied himself at her entrance and plunged into her, diving deep and encasing himself with one thrust. She cried out and clenched his thick girth with her slick muscles.

Kaldur stiffened and cursed himself for enjoying her accommodating warmth. The first time he sank into her, he'd felt like a monster for loving so much what wasn't his to claim. The times after that his guilt subsided until their moans no longer reverberated off the metal of the submarine and he held her in his arms with her blonde hair splayed over their mattress. He'd touched what wasn't his to touch. He'd craved what wasn't his to crave. For one considered so self-sacrificing and noble, he desired his best friends' women far too much. First Tula and now Artemis. He wondered if the gods would always tease him with women he could, or in this case should, never touch.

Artemis squeezed her inner muscles and Kaldur had to fight not to lose himself. He pulled out slowly, inch by terrific inch, then sunk into her just as slow. He cupped her thigh with caution. He was always so careful with her, always treated her like a delicate porcelain doll, always so afraid to crush her with his superior strength. She didn't want caution tonight, she didn't want care, she wanted him to dominate her, to claim her, to leave bruises from gripping her tightly. She wanted all he could give.

"Kaldur, you will not break me, now move." She punctuated every word with a delicious clench of her thighs. How could he ever deny her? He pulled back slowly but this time slammed into her with the strength of a normal man. She groaned in slight satisfaction, but it wasn't enough.

"All of it." She growled and he smirked at her agitation. Artemis was not one to hold back, and she demanded the same from him. She was a very vocal lover; when she loved something, he knew, when she wanted more, he knew. Kaldur kissed her gently then thrust into her at full strength. Artemis broke the kiss to let out a scream of pleasure then a soft moan of joy. That was exactly what she wanted. Kaldur began to pump into her faster, her moans edging him to give her more and more. His grunts intertwined with her gasps and provided a great symphony of passion. His headboard and the squeaking of springs pounded out his rhythm. Artemis pressed her nails deeper into his skin, feeling the taught muscles ripple under her fingertips.

"More," she panted. He obliged.

"Faster," she begged. He obliged.

"Deeper," she pleaded. He obliged.

"Kaldur!" she screamed. He committed the desperate sound of her voice to memory. He would forever remember the way she said his name in the throes of ecstasy. Even if nothing became of this, he would forever have this moment with her to replay in the solitude of his bedroom. He felt her body stiffen and prepared himself for what he knew came next. Artemis screamed his name like a mantra as her head rolled back into the pillow, exposing her neck to him. His lips closed around the sensitive flesh bore to him and his hips rocked back and forth into her, searching desperately for his own completion. Her fingers slipped over his hypersensitive gills and he could no longer hold back. He roared her name and grasped her tight to him while he gave into his instincts. For the first time, Artemis felt the warm essence of man slip into her while her body clenched to take it further and further into her womb. Kaldur's taunt muscles shuttered at the milking sensation and deposited more of what her body silently craved. He knew there was a special circle in damnation for those who enjoyed her the way he did. There was no way it was acceptable to love so much the way their bodies glided together. A quick flame of jealousy sparked in him as he wondered if Wally had ever pleasured her so well.

Kaldur shook the invading thoughts away and basked in the afterglow of their joining. He pressed his weight a little longer against her plump breasts then rolled over bringing her to rest against his chest. Artemis rolled against him and traced the chiseled plains of his chest while waiting for her heaving breath to return to normal. Kaldur sketched circles over the hypersensitive nerves on her back, squeezing her gently to him every so often. Peace and serenity floated over them but both knew it could not last for long. The guilt and darkness would settle over them soon. Kaldur wondered if she would even stay the night, or would she be so horrified that she turned from him so quickly. Silence rested between them, only broken by the sounds of their breathing. In the silence the familiar chasm reformed and each was swallowed by their own thoughts. After a while, she was the one to break the silence and voice the heavy, betraying questions between them.

"Do you feel like you betrayed her?" Artemis whispered timidly. Only a handful of times had he heard her so uncertain; much more since she joined him on his undercover mission. He did not need to ask who she was referring to. Tula would always surround him; she was his first love, but perhaps it was finally time to start letting her go.

"No. She never held onto me; it was always I who held onto her. She was never mine and was happy with Garth; I believe it is time I am happy with someone else." More silence. Artemis digested the information. Part of her, a bigger part than she wanted to admit, hoped that someone else could be her. It meant a lot for him to let go of Tula, who had always been a barrier between any woman who may have wanted a relationship with the elusive Atlantean.

"Do you feel as if you betrayed him?" Artemis asked. He immediately tightened his grip on her shoulders against the tears he heard in her voice. He knew that while she did care about how he felt, she was not really asking him; she more wanted validation for her own feelings.

"Yes. He was my friend and I shared an intimacy with his woman that he solely had claim to. And here again I lie with the woman he loved." Kaldur kept his eyes focused on the twinkling stars and streetlights outside his window.

"But even now that he is gone, I do not regret the passion I share with her. Perhaps that is my greatest offense." Artemis looked up at him and his eyes were torn from the peaceful city outside to her probing gaze. She bit her lip and wondered what exactly he was trying to tell her. Artemis turned her eyes to the view his had just left and worried if she should ask him the question that plagued her mind since the first time they had touched each other under his father's watchful eye. They had told each other that they needed to convince his father and his father's men that as Kaldur's second in command, she was completely loyal to him. They had told each other that they were mourning the loss of Mount Justice. They had told each other that they were reaffirming Kaldur and Tigress' devotion to each other after his mind was repaired. Each time they sank deeper and deeper they claimed another half-truth for justification. Neither one wanted to admit the full truth; that after months of constant companionship and confidence, they were falling fast and had neither sense of self-control nor significant remorse for their heinous actions. Kaldur thought she was almost asleep when her husky voice, a voice that over time became music to his ears, shattered the quiet.

"Do you think you'll love another woman with the depth that you loved Tula?" Artemis steeled herself for rejection. She had rehearsed every reason of cold, unquestionable logic he would give her. She was ready for Kaldur to tell her, in that always polite way of his, that this was just sex and that she was projecting fantasies on him that would never happen. She was ready for him to tell her, as tactfully as he could, that he could never want her because she had betrayed Wally's trust so easily. He would tell her that they would never work because he loved Atlantis so much, and she would never belong there. He would cite her family as proof that she could never truly be good. He was going to say that no matter if he was letting Tula go, the pain of loving her was too great for him to try again. He would tell her that blondes just weren't his type.

Kaldur waited, truly contemplating her question and his answer.

"Perhaps I already do. But I think that, perhaps, I love her more than I believed I could love anyone, including Tula." Icy gray met gun metal. Artemis could hardly contain the joyous fluttering that threatened to overtake her. Kaldur squeezed her tight and pulled the covers over their entwined bodies. He twirled her hair around his webbed fingers as they both dosed off, creating little ringlets in her beloved tresses.


End file.
